The Madonna-Whore complex is a psychological phenomenon that has been of great interest to researchers and clinicians alike, ever since it was first introduced. It refers to a complex of conservative rejecting and idealising beliefs about women and their roles, that are thought to be held by some people; men and women alike. It is a concept that rears its head in more than one way and has implications for mental health, which will be the topic of the following article: what is the Madonna-Whore complex, where did it come from, how can it be identified and experienced in both women and men, and how does it come to affect mental health?
Understanding the Madonna-Whore Complex
There’s an old Freudian psychology labelled the Madonna-Whore complex, that captures the duality. Sigmund Freud, the great psychoanalyst, said – I’m paraphrasing here – that every man secretly divides women into two categories: the Madonna and the Whore. The Madonna is pure, maternal, chaste. And the Whore is sexy, sexual, slutty. Men who exhibit a Madonna-Whore complex tend to experience women either as one or the other, but usually not both simultaneously.
Manifestations of the Madonna-Whore Complex
1. Idealisation vs. devaluation: Madonnas can be idealised (held to a pedestal), considered superior in virtue and cleanliness, while the Whores can be devalued (less worthy of respect; considered less clean) and debased.
2. Intimacy and Desire: This complex can trigger problems at both ends of the spectrum: on the one hand, men find it hard to be sexually and emotionally close to the same woman; on the other hand, they might struggle to desire a woman they feel close to.
3. Emotional turmoil: the inner conflict created by this complex leads men to emotional turmoil about their sexual needs. They might feel guilt, remorse and shame, and have anxious and painful feelings.
Impact on Men’s Mental Health
1. Anxiety and Depression: They might feel anxious and depressed because trying to reconcile their same-sex desires with society does not feel ‘natural’ or good.
2. Low self-esteem: If men start comparing their own sexual desires to that of their spouse or partner, and the comparison becomes negative, this may lead to low self-esteem.
3. Trouble with Relationships: This complex can cause problems in relationships, as men can struggle to relate to women at a deep level.
Impact on Women’s Mental Health
1. Volume Control: For some, you can ask them which box they feel they fit into and out they come, unable to wait another second to declare the one (and only one) ‘Box’ in which they have been dropped. For others, you can ask them which box they feel they fit into, and they look at you, flummoxed, because part of them feels frail and vulnerable and weak, and part of them feels tall and strong and capable.
2. Sexual Stigma: ‘Whores’, in our society, can also be stigmatised and treated unfavourably (like slut-shaming on social media) which can lead to a woman having low self-esteem, and actually jeopardising her mental health.
3. Relationships: strict Madonna-Whore thinking can make it harder for women to trust their partners or care for them.
Stepping Out of the Madonna-Whore Binary
How might you take steps to break free of this damaging Madonna-Whore binary? Here are a few ideas:
1. Awareness: Recognize the Madonna-Whore complex and its influence on your thoughts and behaviors.
2. Abolish Preconceived notions: Internalise the ability to brush off stereotypes and realise that women are humans too – with diverse qualities, just like men.
3. Good communication: Talk about what you want and need in a trustworthy manner to each other.
4. Go to therapy: In more severe cases, using professional therapy can help the sufferer to make sense of it and manage it better – which in turn helps improve mental health and relationships.
Conclusion
The Madonna-Whore complex is a powerful, insidious psychological pattern that affects all of us – men and women alike. It is critical for us to understand our toleration of this maleficence, so that together we can free ourselves from its shackles. We can develop better relationships and improve mental health outcomes when we acknowledge that no one is wholly one or the other, and that both representations relate to the same category of human beings. It is only by throwing off the shackles of the Madonna-Whore complex and challenging pre-existing stereotypical ideas about human sexuality and coupling that we can bring our society out of the dark ages and embrace a more nuanced view of humanity.