Age comes up sooner or later in most romantic relationships. How big are the age gaps that signal incompatibility? What kind of societal prejudices will likely drag down a relationship? How does age determine the odds of the relationship surviving the ups and downs of daily life? There is nuance when it comes to the age factor in relationships. In this latest blog, we take a fresh look at the dynamics of age in calculating one’s prospects in friendship, romance and marriage.
Shared Values, Interests, and Life Stages
It’s values, interests, and life stages that matter, and those things don’t have to depend on age so much. Of course, age influences all of these things too, and I’d never want to argue against the insight that age often comes with more life experience and a broader perspective. But compatibility and overlap are what matters.
Values that are shared with a partner serve as a moral and ethical navigator, form a backdrop for both the decision-making process and the action taking process. Partners with similar core values – respect, honesty, compassion – are more likely to understand and support one another, and are thus more likely to see the actions of their partners through such a lens, thus facilitating harmony and respect. Specifically, shared values can enhance the constructive communication between partners, making it easier to solve challenges and conflict.
Mutual interests, hobbies and passions are a driving source of positive connection between romantic partners. Shared interests and activities provide many opportunities for communality, shared engagement and experience, and formation and reinforcement of shared memories, which contribute to shared identity, and ultimately increased bondedness between the partners.
Moreover, life stages can affect the nature of a relationship. Partners who are in the same life stage – from college student to newlyweds to new parents to empty-nesters – are more likely to understand and respect each other’s needs. They have greater insight into the trials and triumphs of that life stage, and can more easily bond over the similarities in their situations.
Living these joint values and shared life stages is the basis on which a dyad can be cultivated and a couple relationship sustained over time and across the life course. Age gaps can easily become a minor issue when a couple’s lives align in these profound dimensions. Both partners can share experiences and develop empathy towards each other. They can also collaborate to shape their lives together. Their bond is rooted in a firm value basis and, when these pillars of substance exist, this shared foundation makes age differences matter little.
Accepting these similarities involves candour, active listening and a healthy dose of give-and-take. It means honoring the validity in your partner’s differences, finding the common ground that sustains the relationship and ultimately uncovers the very best your differences have to offer. With a secure foundation of overlapping values, interests and life stages, age-gap couples can experience an enduring and fulfilling relationship for decades to come.
Emotional Maturity and Compatibility
Being emotionally mature is important in relationships, and while age can bring rich experiences which lend themselves to increased emotional wisdom, it is far from the only factor. Transcending the age barrier, if the two individuals are compatible in terms of emotional intelligence, silent communication styles, having patients, enthusiasm and sharing similar passions and goals, age could be the least important factor. Open and honest communication and mutual respect can aid in traversing the gap between the two partners.
Societal Perceptions and External Pressures
Social attitudes and pressures can also dictate whether we consider age differences to be significant or not. But, of course, validation and worthiness can’t be based on society’s expectations — sometimes, partners stick together. When they find that they have a lot in common, share similar values and feel real love for one another, they can see past the perceptions and judgments around them, and work out a path that feels right for them as a couple.
Growth, Learning, and Mutual Support
Age difference can offer possibility: the opportunity to cultivate your relationship through growth, learning and mutual support, rather than as a potential barrier. Think of the positive differences that two people who are older and younger can bring to an intimate relationship: each person can be a source of wisdom and life experiences. When difference is seen not as a burden but as an opportunity for growth, success might depend on the opportunities for continued learning and support, as well as giving.
A relationship between partners in different age categories brings a sense of maturity to the young and revitalises the old. When there is a large age difference, it opens up an opportunity for the younger partner to learn from the wisdom and experience of the older partner, and the younger individual’s enthusiasm and energy can add a touch of vibrancy and life to the older person. The exchange of experiences and knowledge helps both partners grow personally and enriches their relationship. Partners in different age categories can be a good source of support for each other, considering that they have different life experiences. The older partner can offer guidance and mentorship to the younger person. Additionally, the younger partner can provide the older partner with emotional support that is connected to the younger person’s specific experiences.
This begs a broadmindedness, an empathy and respect for each other’s viewpoint, a support of the benefits that age-diversity can bring to the mix, and a lookout for opportunities to be mutually beneficial and growth-enabling. And finally, a willingness to practice that. If that’s the case, then we can perhaps say that there is a possibility on offer for a 14-25 or a 90-105 relationship that spans the generations and can be fertile ground for growth, learning and mutual support.
Individual Compatibility and Personal Fulfillment
But I think that, in the end, whether a relationship succeeds or not depends on whether the two people work well together and whether each gets what they need from the relationship and finds fulfilment. Age is only one factor influencing the viability of a relationship. The characteristics of both individuals and their life circumstances are equally important. When two people complement each other, are supportive of one another’s dreams, and feel fulfilled in their relationship, age isn’t an issue.
To sum up, the role of age in a relationship is a difficult and multilayered matters. At first, age could play a role in your relationship, it might be easier for you to share some experiences with your parent, especially if one ore both of you are younger. However, age really can not be a vital thing in a relationship.In my opinion, what really important is emotions, compatibility etc courier relationships, emotional and personal fulfillment.
Above all else, couples should focus on establishing a meaningful and profound emotional connection and meeting intellectually. I have seen that, at least in one’s older years, it’s not always necessary to be able to run and play together or have children to make a relationship enduring and satisfying. Shared values are crucial for helping in establishing a moral sense of how to live, a structure for making decisions.
And if that’s the age, so be it: far better than wringing their hands over the mere ‘bagatelle’ of years both should be building a partnership that embraces the variety of love, that appreciates and accepts what age has wrought into their lives, and that makes its best of that. Above all, such couples see themselves less as tokens of youth and more as people in love who have desires, dreams, responsibilities and hopes whose validity far outweighs the number of candles on a birthday cake.
After all, we fall in love with someone and stay with them for the depth of their emotional resonance, for whether they are compatible, share our values, fill us up, make us feel good about both our lives and ourselves together. Let’s begin to follow what love looks like now, in all its variety and unevenness. We’ve all been there. When we look around and feel alone in our outlier-ness, remember that you don’t have to take those rules lying down. Your love counts for who you are, not for how long it has existed with you. May you find comfort and beauty in each other.