Love is the most beautiful form of connection between people – deep insight into the ways in which we can express it and the ways in which we want, or expect others to express their love to us, is a critical component of successful relationships, and a fundamental ingredient for sweetening the experience. One resource advancing the cause is the American Christian author and therapist Dr Gary Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (1992). These two quotes, appearing on the book’s back cover, characterise the neat conceptual separation and recombination he proposes. No one spoke affectionately to me. No one made me feel welcome… Chapman’s book is a step-by-step guide to identifying, not only how you prefer to be loved, but how your significant other prefers it, too. Applying this information can ease tension and open up new sources of intimacy in your relationship. What are these languages, and how are they analysed? Listed below are the Five Love Languages, together with a brief portrayal of each.
Words of Affirmation
A person whose love language is Words of Affirmation… probably feels loved and appreciated through words. You’re probably super verbal and talker. And any way someone can compliment you, give you loving affirmations, means a lot to you. Communication is, in any relationship, so important and, if the communication is not working out, then you can hardly have anything work out.So, after finding out what your love language is, I’m sure your partner does has his or hers too. But for them, Words of Affirmation is their thing. It would be a good idea to ask them what Word of Affirmation means to them, so you would cater to their relationship with you a bit more, You could do what i’m bout to say How Words of Affirmation works is basically, stating your feeling in words and it’s clear as day, it’s an affirmation of love and/or appreciation.
Words Of Affirmation: Words Of Affirmation individuals are those who feel intensely valued and loved through meaningful, positive interaction with others. It is through verbal interaction they feel most connected to someone in their life – recognising praise, encouragement or other verbal expressions of love as a greater evidence of a person’s commitment and investment in the relationship. For the Words Of Affirmation individual, verbal words thus feel like a true gift exchange, in that they are received gratefully, with love in return. ‘I love you’ or ‘You are so smart’ or ‘I really like hanging out with you’ – no matter how often repeatedly said, it can be like walking on air to someone whose primary love language is Words Of Affirmation.
Good Talkers: These are people who are good communicators. They love having heart-to-heart conversations with their partners. The heard words have an assuring and reassuring effect on their hearts, often leading to a profound and unbreakable bond. They treasure an opportunity to share their interests and daydreams with a partner who takes out uninterrupted time to listen to the speaker.
Verbal affirmations: Words of affirmation are their primary love language as they need to hear their partner confirm their love – how much he or she loves them and is more and more attracted to them or thinks they are more and more desirable as time moves on. People with this love language must be constantly reassured that they are cherished, and that this type of reassurance is their love language and helps them recognise and feel their partner’s love.
Encouragement. Words of affirmation are the love language of people who respond to the upbeat. When they are doing something right to help things turn around, they will work harder when a partner acknowledges what they are doing and says something good about it. Say to your partner: ‘You’re on a great track! I believe in you! Keep up the good work.’ Or: ‘You’re a good person. You deserve to be with a good person, like me.
If you want to delight someone whose primary love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’:
Verbal affirmations often: Tell your spouse often, ‘I love you; I appreciate you; I’m pleased in you – you did a great job… I love you.’ Be encouraging. Smile. Give a compliment (‘You look good’ is not good enough; please be more specific – about what you see and what you like) and ‘I love you.’
Get out of the habit of dancing around and talking past one another.Talk it out: ‘Be very open with each other about your feelings – about what’s happening in your life, your fears, your hopes, your dreams,’ Schnarch says. ‘Listen intentionally and express your empathy.’ Don’t run from conflict or negative communication.
Show Them That You Notice: Call attention to the things they do for you and the ways in which they are becoming more independent – celebrate their efforts over the challenges, and their achievements, big and small.
Apologise, forgive: if you fight, if you hurt someone with words, then apologise and forgive and be ready to forgive them if they apologise and forgives you. Forgiveness is crucial in any relationship.
Acts of Service
The logic of romantic love is this: you show your love by doing things for the other. The smallest sign of thoughtfulness, making breakfast for your beloved, tells you more about how much they love you than the biggest dramatic gesture. You are self-sacrificing and your everyday-ness of kindness tells your beloved that you care about them. You put them first and show that you take care of them. Don’t forget to the return the favour every so often. Show your appreciation.
Receiving Gifts
A gift-giving love language is no evidence that you are a materialistic shrew, but it does often mean that the outside world can be used to send you the message that you are loved and valued, because you register the thought and time that went into the gift. Tell your partner which sorts of gifts, if any, make you feel loved in return. If what love is primarily about for you is secret considerations, you need to check that your partner is excellent at remembering things; but they’ve got to be the caring kind.
Quality Time
Quality time devotees prize attention and shared activity. For you love is doing stuff together, hiking together or talking intelligently together, or cuddled in bed together watching another of Flavor Flav’s mercilessly failed TV series. Find moments to be offline with your partner.
Physical Touch
If Acts of Service or physical touch is your love language (or yours of your partner), then physical intimacy is a love language as well. A touch is a mark of and an experience of love. You feel and know (literally) the slight impact made by a slight pat arm, the proximity of your lover’s head on your shoulder, a kiss, a cuddle, etc. If this is you, then touch one another, regularly, and don’t hesitate when you feel your heart quicken to let your beloved know that they have a charge on their inner battery. Sugaring your relationship, is just touching and being touched.
Understanding and Appreciating Differences
And of course, people’s primary languages, which they prefer and treasure most, can also change over time, as can their secondary languages, and it’s common for those to be different in couples. Respecting those differences is part of joining together in a marriage and remaining happily together. When you learn what your mate’s primary language is, and your mate learns your primary language, a caring, loving, wonderful delicious marriage will come upon you like a flash of lightning.
Conclusion
Learning your (and your loved ones’) love languages will help you do both. Recognising your love language and the love languages of those you love will help you deepen and enrich your relationships and make them more fulfilling. Love languages can also change as do our life journeys. So, stay tuned to your partner and your changing love language. Sweetening your relationship can be as easy as speaking love in the language that really makes sense both to your loved one and to you. When we, in the daily give-and-take of the relationship, actively show our love in the ways that our loved one and we need, our relationships will not only be deeper but stronger.
