As technological transgressions reduce the planet in size, relationships spill out into novel space, crossover life and love, long-distance love: the rumoured unicorn of the romantic world. Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are now a popular trope in romantic cartographies the world over. For long-distance couples, tide runs in two directions: the channels of senses roomy and opened-up by speed and distance, and the cast of boundaries and tightness closed on relationships by distance and space. It is all the connectivity of up-to-date mimeticism, the benefits of romancing where distances within geographies now shrink the world for those whose partners reside elsewhere. It is equally bounded by the constraints on interactions, a relationship being what it is between elsewhere. Will you or won’t you, long-distance relationship?
In the era of the internet, we can meet people at every corner of the world, and sowing instead of feeling a love which is there a hundred, or a thousand miles away. If love knows no boundaries, then neither do career prospects nor academic opportunities, or chance. The love born thousands miles away will be then just the love thousands miles away. The interactive technological miracles bring into being the future of a leap in a globe of communication possibilities, and are indeed a miraculous help considering that Europe and China are 4500 miles apart. It feels like walking barefoot in the desert to fall in love without ever having seen the person. Time zones and full work schedules aren’t really the easiest love act. Calls at 3am, time difference, jetlag (an enemy of beauty sleep), and then the connection just deliberately cuts off. End of conversation. But let’s be optimistic.
Yet, like all relationships, what defines this as a long-distance partnership is not the miles that separate them, but the strength of their love for each other, and the time and effort they invest to nurture and support it. What this blog will discover are the trials and tribulations of long-distance ties, the ‘science of love’ and the ‘secrets of distance’ – and whether love, after all, can indeed travel.
Effective Communication is Key
Before analysing the actual phenomenon of long-distance-relationships, it is worth giving an account of the phenomenon of communication; it is only because humans can connect via communication across distances that we can have long-distance-relationships at all. You don’t have to read most newspaper headlines to know that our networked age is a connected age. Despite the feelings of detachment and isolation that the online world can sometimes bring, today we are connected by a vast array of possible communication tools, diminishing distances and providing instant connections at the click of a button. For long-distance-couples these of course include video, chat and social media, where the distance itself is suddenly and easily bridged and with a button. It’s not the fact that the tools are available, however, that keeps the couple together, but it is rather how they are put to use.
Out of it comes mutual understanding, understanding and intimate responses, feelings for feelings. If the long-distance passage might be the lock, then the key is speaking well and being heard. The long-distance far one, recalling words to screens, will need to write candidly, tensely and candidly, openly. Honesty. One builds trust. Men and women who make offers and acceptances, one to the other, make joy and sorrow, fear and hope, they insist and involve the far-distant someone in their soul. Words are followed by actions – promises kept, promises given, loving reassurances, faith – the fidelity of lovers who somehow by word alone yet truly shape a commitment between them.
Presence, closeness, spiriting from oceans and continents. It’s there even in the digital – in the unmidwifing of the beautiful talk, in the unlifting of the ordinary, in the breaks and falls and startles and seeking, between all of the saying and all of the doing, between the learns and the compliance, from the button nearest to the button farthest – the warmth of Dawn’s ‘Good morning.’ I love you. I know night world Noon’s I love you from Lark’s knowing. And Lark’s Good night. I love you. Noon’s I know warm goodbye from, from— Goodbye, Lark. Goodnight. I love you. Good morning. I love you. Dawn. Even as the distances gather from oceans and continents, as if the Imp could be thousands of miles away from the Maypole, it’s the fairyfaring of this breadth and depth that sprites closeness, if only on the wide wings of the maydormet, if only as the fairy faring of unmidwifing or the unlifting of. Goodness, look here. Something stretching in between the present and closeness from the button nearest to the button farthest is Heartign heartign Love is alive. It’s what love does.
Like this, over vast distances, partners write a story to one another. As part of their daily conversation – spoken into print, character for character, line by line, for hour after hour – joint communication mends the gap. By talking enough, so the illusion goes, love can overcome space.
Establish Trust and Commitment
But there’s no healthier relationship than one built on trust, and that’s where the focus has to be in LDRs. Since its evidence isn’t primal like it is for couples living together, trust must be earned and re-earned by those who’ve gone. The burden of proof must fall on them. That takes work. Don’t be a flake. Stick to your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Jealousy exists and is natural, so don’t ever give in to an insecure moment. Earn a security – a loyalty – that transcends a lot of the distance.
Set Clear Goals and Expectations
A long-distance relationship isn’t as hard to hold together when you’re both clear on the goals and expectations of your relationship, and when you are open and explicit about what it means to you, and what it signifies, particularly in terms of your mutual future. Sit down and negotiate what the relationship will be, going forward. Where is it heading? Are you planning to reunite or close the gap eventually in the relationship, in other words, is this going to be a short-term arrangement? Set yourself the goals, for your couple, which make your relationship feel progressive (to improve in doing something, or pursuing a career, or maybe one day to live together on the same roof, or whatever). As long as you work towards them, you can work on them while being far away from each other.
Embrace the Beauty of Independence
Certainly, distance is not easy; but at the same time, it can be a gift, an opportunity to learn and to develop one’s own autonomy and individuality. You can revel in solitude. Open up the space for your own passions and interests, keeping an appropriate distance between the relationship and your other life activities, whether they are work-related, or with your friends and the rest of your leisure and recreational pursuits. This helps to make your relationship stronger, never solely anchored in a communication.
Plan Visits and Create Shared Experiences
Establish a regular rhythm of visits for you both: going back and forth, passing through and seeing each other regularly until you get comfortable with being away from each other. Visit regularly. In order to add sexualised content to your long-distance relationship, you have to do more than webcams and phonecalls – you have to see each other. For most people, emotional intimacy is a two-step process that unfolds in series through time. First up is physical intimacy such as romance and sex, followed by emotional intimacy. Seeing each other regularly is a great way to pare down the distance between you and make things bearable. Find a regular rhythm of visits for both of you and pass through and see one another regularly until you become comfortable with going days without seeing each other. The more new things you experience, the more emotionally bonded you will become. Go on holidays to new places new things and maximise your face time.
Surmounting Communication Challenges
If you’re in a long-distance relationship (which is itself a problem for some people) then you’ve probably experienced some of the trials associated with those relationships, such as the inability to speak because of the time difference between where you’re living, or the inability to communicate smoothly because one of you needs to work. Accept each other’s constraints on your life and living situation. If you can’t communicate face-to-face, that doesn’t mean you can’t communicate at all. Send texts and notes, leave messages or write long letters so you can still stay close even when you can’t be close.
Seek Support from Friends and Family
Call or text a friend or relative who helps bolster you, someone you can look up to as an advisor and pep talker as needed. Remind yourself you might be out there solo, but you’re not alone.
Conclusion
Is it long-distance relationship because of your work or study? If positive, then probably you do not have the option to change the issue living together. To make the long-distance relationship work you will need to rely only on making relationship work by giving 100 percent determination, love and commitment! Nothing can stand two people to be together if that what they both want regardless if there the true love and commitment. If you are living far away from each other for a long period of time, you need to make the best out of it! You can have a successful relationship and blooming one only when you keep in close contact with your boyfriend/girlfriend, are able to trust each other and share the same goals. If you embrace your independence, see physical touch once in a while and talk to your friends and family you can make it through the long-distance relationships and have an amazing, long lasting and healthy relationship. Nothing can replace love and your feelings of love will survive so regardless if there will be or not obstacles between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, you will not feel upset and alone and will go through the hard times with determination, patience, love and even more love. Nothing good in life comes easy! If it is an attitude and an approach then long-distance relationships can work! Nothing can replace love and keep you away from your lover no matter if you are living one block away from each other or on the opposite sides of the world.